I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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