what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
