dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
