its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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