you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize