i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
