i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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