Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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