i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
