life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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