I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
