Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
