we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
