I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize