I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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