He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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