I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
