At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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