would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
