I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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