We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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