i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize