She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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