at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
