Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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