Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
