What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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