So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
