I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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