I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
