If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
