I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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