Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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