I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize