It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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