I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
