i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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