I looked at my own cervix.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
