The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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