Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
