Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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