Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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