Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
