dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
