I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
