bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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