my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
