In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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