New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
