He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
