i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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