I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
