I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
