Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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