Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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