i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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