yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
