Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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