Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
