I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
