I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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