You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
