She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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