my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
