i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize