I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
