went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
