i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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