bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
