i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
