he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
