you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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