I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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