there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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