Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
