Just cropdusted the office
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
