you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This baby is an asshole
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
