So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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