Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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