You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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