My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
