Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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