My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
