his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
