I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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