He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
