yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
