Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
