Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
