You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
