I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
