I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize