i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
