soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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