While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
