So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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