You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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