just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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