Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
