i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
