Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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