We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
